I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
