After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
