So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
