I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
