I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Are we still banned from the library?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
pray to the hookup gods
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
