meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
