chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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