Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
not ubering you a puppy
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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