im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
