How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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