dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
