I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
