Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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