don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
