my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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