Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
