My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
