I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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