i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You are a genius and a whore.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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