you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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