Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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