Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
