I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
