Non-Jews are for practice
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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