he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
