She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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