I just threw up on my dentist
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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