Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Damn victory sex feels great
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
