I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
