with your own penis?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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