Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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