Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
