she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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