I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
