my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
