Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
