Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
