drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
