i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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