Where did you get a picture of my penis
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
