Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
