we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
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I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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