I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found puke in my bra..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
