it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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