Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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