i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
