he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
