There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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