I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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