Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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