we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
