Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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