Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
