why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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