i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
