yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
