I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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