Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
