I'm drive I can fine osifer
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
