White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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