tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
