I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
